I Don’t Need Porn, I Need You

Enough is enough.

No more of you. No more opportunities to get lost in your beautiful maze, only to find a trash fill of shame and guilt on the other side. No more IG models who promise to show more skin for Snapchat subscriptions. No more health hazards disguised as gummy vitamins.

I figured the best way to get rid of you is to embarrass you publicly. It’s time to get rid of you, Porn. I never fully had to courage to say this to you, but you’re not that special. You’re just cheap thrills masquerading as a worthwhile experience. Makeup on a bloated corpse. A hopeful promise with nothing to show for it. I don’t need you anymore.

Your distractions and temptations has done enough damage. I have yet to make a full recovery. Although I may think of you from time to time, you’re no longer worth the mental space.

Goodbye. Good riddance. I don’t need you, porn.

I need you, a female friend. A girlfriend. My complement. A confidant. A life partner. A constant reminder of what true friendship feels like.

I need you, a peace of mind. A sense of stability and reassurance. The feeling of knowing that the path I walk is worth the destination at the end.

I need you, God. To comfort and complete me. To fix my eyes on You. To be my joy, my strength, and my song. To feel worthy enough to be Your child.

I need you, the person reading this. I hope you realize that you’re more than the skeletons you keep. More than the distractions that damage and dissuade you. The insecurities you see when everyone else is blind. You are the audience that I think about as I jot down these thoughts. Even though I don’t know any of you, you are appreciated. You’re always needed.

I need you, the person writing this. A creative mess, in the guise of a human. A wanderer stuck between realms, searching for a place to call home. I’ll admit that it’s hard to love you sometimes. You tend to be really hard on yourself and you rarely face the mirror with love in your eyes. Yet no one can replicate you. And that’s what make you special. You can’t see it now, but you are needed. It’s time you start believing it.

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