Loving (You) is Complicated: The Consequences of Loving”

This poem deals with the concept of love from the perspective of a person incapable of maintaining relationships.

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable.”
– C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Love has been a conflict that has remained unresolved for Brother Humbled. And his past commitments still haunt him.

The title of this poem can apply to anyone. Thus, the “you” in parenthesis acts as a placeholder for anybody or anything. To love at all, is complicated because it puts us in a vulnerable position.

Slow dance, romance, give love a chance.
That’s what my heart said.

The optimistic side of Brother Humbled wants to take yet another plunge into loving someone. And as a Christian, he is called to love everyone.

You know what will happen.
So stay slow, man.
Don’t go too fast and
pace yourself away from the past, then
keep yourself open to the potential of a relationship.

The pessimistic side of Brother Humbled is aware of what will occur and warns against just falling in love. Rather, it’s best to just take it slow and not expect the best.

I stand as a wavering, unfavorable white flag.
A blank page made of rage and
tragedies of unrequited loves
and unwritten regrets.

Brother Humbled waves his white flag that contains regrets and fractured relationships. He’s surrendered any hopes of establishing a fruitful relationship, simply going along without any set expectations.

After writing the 21st letter and 5th vow,
it got complicated.

The 21st letter of the alphabet and 5th vowel is the letter “U,” which is the homophone for the word “you.” It rewords the title and puts it in a context of writing a letter and saying a vow to someone. The complications arise when there’s no stable connection.

Like mails, I lacked emotion.
Just a destination.

“Mails” is a homophone for “males,” who are known for not being expressive with their emotions and just go where they are needed.

I’m too nice, too quiet.
I’m tall enough to be an eyeful;
cowardly enough to be Pride’s food.

Some self-reflection here. Brother Humbled is not an attention seeker, yet captures the attention of those around him due to his height.

“Eyeful” can be replaced with “Eiffel,” a tower that is a well-known tall attraction.

Because he gave up his pride in exchange for humbleness, Brother Humbled still worries about succumbing to his arrogant ways.

You and I live on opposite sides of different dimensions.
A fictional universe that I wouldn’t traverse.

The lack of communication created a great distance between the two parties.

Hypocrite!
All I wanted was your approval.
Assurance that I wouldn’t lose you.
Aspirations to adore you yet,
as usual it’s just a few futile attempts.
A pitiful assumption that we function as a duet.

The pain in this verse stems from Brother Humbled’s desperation for this person’s attention and not receiving it. He now feels abandoned. Cast aside and lied to. There’s no one who will give him a chance at love, resulting Brother Humbled not wanting to love anyone.

I’m forever lonely
I’m stuck with all these questions,
and I don’t know if you can hear me.

As time goes on, the loneliness grows. The questions remain unanswered. The relational strain only confirms the pessimism that he developed from lack of stability in his relationships.

Don’t leave me here.
Please appear…

The poem ends on a cliffhanger as the last line trails off.

As the penultimate poem, it culminates all of the conflicts that has laced the poems. Wanting to feel loved, dealing with insecurities, and accepting something bigger than one’s self. With one more poem left to cover, it’s important to keep in mind the major theme that were discussed within these eleven poems. It will come in handy as we approach the last poem.

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