This poem is about another short lived relationship with a lover of literature. The poet reminiscences on past mistakes, telling his side of the story and still jaded from past failures.
Shipwrecked and distressed, Two Dope begins to reminiscence on his past experiences with love.
I flirted with the idea of connection.
Personifying love, Two Dope remembers his obsession with being in love.
I’ve gotten mixed messages to no messages.
Alluding to his previous romantic experiences, Two Dope recognizes the inadequacies of the relationships. In hindsight, they were similar to the online connections he failed to maintain. He didn’t get the amount of love that he wanted.
I was still recovering, going undercover.
Until you found me and restored me to the front lines.
His drifting eventually ended once he was rescued by a caring soul. She helped build him up and soon he was returned to his former self. He was on the “front lines” again, willing to put himself out there again and welcome the possibility of loving someone again.
Our love life was like a battle with no end of sight.
To love someone is to fight for and with this person. With his strength regained, Two Dope will fight the good fight with his new partner.
We connected via Facebook Messenger.
Fittingly, I talked to a face that loved books.
An important detail to consider is the girl’s love for literature. From her viewpoint, these online conversations were like sending love letters to each other.
I was her prince, but I couldn’t save her.
Because we were both damsels in need of a Savior.
This girl is also a Christian. Now Two Dope has to wrestle with his position as a boyfriend. He’s not her Savior. Jesus Christ is.
With this is mind, the damsel metaphor calls back to fairy tales that she may be familiar with and how it connects with the message of the gospel. Because they were sinners that needed to be saved, it’s God that ultimately controls and sustains the relationship. Not Two Dope.
You were my Muse
and I was your musician.
Together we composed songs,
which we sang in the dead of night.
You brought life to my mummified heart.
A Muse was a Greek goddess that symbolized a particular form of artistic inspiration. As if it was a form of divine intervention, Two Dope feels genuine love and hope again. He enjoys talking and connecting with this girl, oblivious to how long the conversations may be. His heart, once mummified and dead, now beats life again.
The relationship then soon withered.
Unlike Hermes, I didn’t deliver on my promise
to rescue you the way God did.
History repeats itself once again. Hermes was the Greek god of trade and messenger to the Olympic gods. Even though Two Dope promised to always be present and fight for her, he failed to live up to God’s expectations.
And to be honest, I haven’t healed since.
Dealing with another breakup, Two Dope is now facing a pain that can’t be easily cured. He’s cursed and he knows it.
I can still hear your anger and cries.
The piercing sound of your goodbyes.
How the relationship ended is permanently etched into his conscience. Her angry departure via words still rings loud in his head.
We had a match of words.
You surely won, as I forfeit before it even begun.
A swing of regrets, interruptions in your breath.
Then you brought the worst yet:
the whirlwind of silence and neglect.
She went out fighting, yet Two Dope already surrendered. While she was exhibiting her hurt, Two Dope chose to keep it inside. This only furthered her frustrations, because he was no longer trying to fight for her.
I failed at being your guardian angel.
I’m still battling my own demons.
Two Dope was still fighting a war with his own insecurities. To maintain his pride and status, he felt obligated to take on the role of a guardian angel for his girlfriend. Unfortunately, he couldn’t handle the stress and was unsuccessful in protecting her.
I’m reaping what I sow, leaving behind weep
trails along minefields.
“…for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
Traversing through the battlefield, Two Dope can only recall this verse as he sees the results of his actions, or lack thereof. In the end, he experienced true love and subsequently lost it.
With nothing left to gain, he comes to this final conclusion:
I don’t deserve to be in a relationship.
Although it may seem like Two Dope is defeated, he’s not done yet. Rather than look for people to please him, he now believes that no one can deeply satisfy him.
If no one else is able to take him to a higher place, then only he can elevate himself. And that is when the fall happens…