A message to J: “Experiencing first love and heartbreak”

Starting the series of love interludes, this poem focuses on the first love went wrong, using the internet as a metaphor for loss connection.

Subverting the “love letter” cliche, this poem takes the form of an e-mail. What’s interesting about this format is that it is also written in abecedarian form. So each line begins with a letter from the alphabet, similar to the poetic compositions used in ancient texts like the Psalms.

Writing this in past tense, Two Dope is heartbroken over a girl he fell in love with. Naturally, his emotions are in flux as he tries to make sense over what happened.

Abandoned lover, remember your former
boyfriend;

Two Dope is urging his first love to not forget him. This was his first love and he doesn’t want to let go of the experience, even if it is a memory.

big brain contained
couplets that included clingy
desires and teenage dreams. Sent via
E-mail

Two Dope was obsessed with this girl. So much so that he would think about never leaving her and being with her forever. This little section ends with the phrase “Sent via E-mail” to symbolize how he connected with her through the internet.

I’m still
here, hanging on a response to reach my
inbox.

Now that he sent the e-mail, he’s expecting to get a response from her. Perhaps this will convince her to come back. But he’s still waiting.

Obviously, she’s moved on and wants nothing to do with him. Two Dope hasn’t processed this yet and is still hoping for the best.

In fact, I
judged myself as the
killer of our internet connection;

Not wanting to place the blame on his former girlfriend, he decides to accuse himself of ruining the relationship. He still wants to uphold this perfect image of her in his mind.

Leaving behind dial up tones and
menacing pop-up messages of
not being able to reconnect.

Two Dope, now starting to get frustrated, decides to keep getting this girl’s attention. Yet it seems she’s still being distant and difficult to find.

The “dial up tones” and “menacing pop-up messages” are common annoyances that relate to the internet. He wants to move past these obstacles and connect with her again.

Only once did I consider
pursuing you again.

During the time apart, he wanted a second chance to redeem himself. He viewed the silence as neutral ground. No official breakup has been made, so he pursued her once more with the intent of starting over.

Queue the rain and romantic cliches,
remember our interrupted connection as you find another.

Eventually, it amounted to nothing. Despite his best efforts, it didn’t win her back. In fact, it only pushed her away further. This is where the heartbreak sets in and he’s remorseful over the situation.

You were the axis that merrily made my
world go around.

This first love defined his whole life. Now that it’s over, he’s unbalanced and unsure about how to move forward.

Now I place
X’s on circles containing
your face.

To cope with the heartbreak, Two Dope removes anything that reminds him of her.

We are no more than a
zero, nothing at all.

In the end, the relationship ended and there is no chance for reconciliation. Like a forgotten e-mail in the trash folder, this girl no longer has any effect on Two Dope’s life.

This poem details the experience of the first love and the tension that arises from the degradation of the relationship. Two Dope wanted this feeling to last forever, similar to how drug users continually chase the high. In both scenarios, it can only last so long. But this won’t be the last time that Two Dope will try his hand at love.

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