In the Night: “An Internal Dialogue on Sexual Urges and Christian Chastity”

This poem explores the struggles of a Christian dealing with porn addiction.

In the dead of night, certain sparks of light glimmer in the darkness. Confused yet curious, Two Dope begins his trek.

I walk down a narrow road in the sun’s absence.
Lost in the midst of constricting thoughts.

The narrow road is a reference to the Christian lifestyle, particularly in that it’s difficult and only a select few are able to walk it. On this journey, he notices some familiar and appealing figures.

Lamp posts pose as ladies in their worldly glory
Some flicker, others remain steady.

It’s revealed that these sparks of light are actually women. Women exhibiting their “worldly glory,” or nakedness. From this line, it’s clear that the subject matter of this poem revolves around pornography.

With that in mind, the lights that flicker or stay steady refers to the various forms of pornography that are easily accessible for viewing.

Serpents of tempting devices, ready to offer apples.
And I’m Adam,
this dark evening is tempting.

According to the Garden of Eden story, Eve was tempted by a serpent to eat of the forbidden fruit. Although Adam knew better, he was tempted by his wife to join along in this act of disobedience, leading to the Fall.

This biblical reference reflects Two Dope’s conundrum. He is the Adam that is being tempted by dark forces, which in this case is porn addiction.

I try to look forward,
but my peripherals are obstacles.

Chastity, or the act of abstaining from sexual immorality, is considered one of the many virtues that a Christian is called to uphold. The difficulty to “look forward” is a direct result of the peripherals of our sex-obsessed culture. It’s encouraged and expected to immediately act on our sexual urges, rather than to wait for the appropriate time.

Scrambling to free lust like
leaves escaping trees in autumn.
Like Joseph reacting to the trap of his master’s wife
or Samson keeping his hair intact

Lust is a struggle that affected the heroes of the Old Testament. Joseph was nearly coerced into an affair with his master’s wife. Samson, who drew his strength from the length of his hair, had his hair cut because of his love for Delilah, a woman who was able to Samson’s strength.

Keeping these stories in mind, Two Dope realizes that his “body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord” (1 Corinthians 6:13).

With each glance, I get lost in a trance.
Transported to an Eden of deceit,
not realizing that the sun could come back at any moment

Each time he views pornography, his conscience gets blinded and he willingly gives in to the sexual temptation, ignoring the reality of God’s second coming.

I forget time exists. I forget why I exist.
I’m fixated on these figures of twisted fantasies,
sensually stealing my vision from His provision.

Like any drug addiction, pornography can influence the mind of the viewer. It creates a desire to view more images and videos, but it’s never enough.

This continual focus on the temporal competes with the faith in the eternal God.

Decisions that could affect my salvation.
The inner pain is evident.
How can I be a Christian yet glorify the body?

Here it’s revealed that Two Dope is actually a Christian. And despite his braggadocios introduction, he still struggles with his fallen humanity. He doesn’t want to lose his salvation, but continues to seek worldly pleasures.

Lord forgive me

A call to forgiveness and repentance. Despite his struggles, Two Dope recognizes that only God can forgive him and cleanse him of his sins.

I’m thankful for your light

Two Dope believes that Jesus Christ is better than anything that the world has to offer.

These little light sources are nothing compared to the sun. Even though it’s night, there’s hope in a greater light source that provides warmth and guidance.

So I continue down the road

Despite these distractions, Two Dope will continue to walk the Christian path.

This poem exposes the side of Two Dope that he would rather keep hidden. His Christian title and pornography addiction creates an interesting dynamic that makes him somewhat relatable. Who doesn’t have a particular struggle that they battle with daily, yet is hidden from public view? This is only one of the many struggles that the reader will know about as Two Dope’s pride causes his eventual downfall.


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