In the Night

This poem explores the struggles of a Christian dealing with porn addiction.

I walk down a narrow road in the sun’s absence.
Lost in the midst of constricting thoughts.
Lamp posts pose as ladies in their worldly glory.
Some flicker, others remain steady.
Serpents of tempting devices, ready to offer apples.
And I’m Adam,
this dark evening is tempting.

I try to look forward,
but my peripherals are obstacles.
I’m trying not to fall off,
scrambling to flee lust like
leaves escaping trees in autumn.
Like Joseph reacting to the trap of his master’s wife,
or Samson keeping his hair intact.
Yet I’m wandering into wonders and street warnings.
In a season of singleness and desperation,
I wonder how long I’ve been distracted.
With each glance, I get lost in a trance.
Transported to an Eden of deceit,
not realizing that the sun could come back at any moment.
I forget time exists. I forget why I exist.
I’m fixated on these figures of twisted fantasies,
sensually stealing my vision from His provision.

Decisions that could affect my undeserved salvation.
The inner pain is evident.
How I can be a Christian yet glorify the body?
Not the body of Christ that died for me.
But rather the bodies that would kill my innocence
with each stimulating screenshot and
simulated marriage activities outside of covenant.
Lord forgive me,
for I know of your satisfaction
but I struggle with momentary looks.
I relapse multiple times,
but your forgiveness is eternally repetitive.
I’m thankful for your light that shines in the night.
Your mercies greet me with each sunrise.
So I continue down the narrow road.
Battling to keep my mind sanctified as I walk forward.


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